you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The air was thick with penises
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
