Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
