i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
