Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
