The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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