he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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