i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
