OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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