FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
nutella sex= disaster
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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