Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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