Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
