I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
