I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
