I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
