I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
