My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
