Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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