Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
