Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
