I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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