I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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