And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
