My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
