drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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