The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
