think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I could make wine with my vomit
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
