I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
