remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
