i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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