yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
