Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
