Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
