I'm gonna have a badass scar
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
