Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
