Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
