He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
