whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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