you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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