I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
