Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
