On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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