I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
