Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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