Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
