I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
