the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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