i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
this boner is exhausting
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
