what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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