You're completely useless in the revolution.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
