Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
