Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
