nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
